Anyone else who has kids who have virtually everything? And sometimes say thank you? And sometimes realize what they are asking for is not reasonable, yet continue to stomp and frown when they don’t get EXACTLY what they asked for? No? Just me? 

Part of raising good tiny humans that turn into full size humans is that delicate balance between providing (read: buying) them what they need vs what they want. I have 2 humans that could not be more opposite in their thinking, one who is the easiest kiddo ever, goes with the flow regularly and doles out the PDA. The other one is super OCD and gets annoyed when I breathe in the same space as her. 

So in an effort to teach them both some empathy, bring them down a notch when necessary,  the value of money and set boundaries while still accomplishing all the holidays are about we started putting their gifts into “buckets.” Each one is designed as a teaching moment, ultimately showing them they are still super lucky compared to a lot of families out there. It should be said that we celebrate Chanukah, but other family members celebrate Christmas thus the kids have always gotten a smattering of both. So the model changed from a ton of gifts across both holidays to a few well chosen ones that had meaning and longevity.

Experiences Are Worth Gold

There are a ton of opportunities throughout the year to bring kids of all ages to experience something. Be in the moment. Share that time with family, or just mom or dad, while absorbing whatever the “experience” is. It is time you cannot get back and they grow fast. Ice shows, an immersive, interactive opportunity, a Broadway show or a trip are great examples. There is something for every budget especially if you are able to plan well in advance and capitalize on pre-sales, or discounts.

These moments teach some invaluable lessons:

• Family time is everything.

• Enjoy seeing and being in the experience through your kids’ eyes and wonder.

• Their excitement is your excitement.

• Traveling is fun, if done with a no stress attitude

Cash Is King

Around the pre-teen years, there is a definitive shift away from toys to all things derived (now) via TikTok, Insta, and peers. My kiddos know that if I pay for it, I have to approve it, whatever “it” is. Could be clothes, makeup, accessories etc, just to ensure it is appropriate. They pretty much make those decisions themselves when it is their money and I hope for the best. But what they learn is hopefully more insightful.

• When it is their money, they aren’t as quick to blow it all on a venti acai chiller, half lemonade, 2 pumps of liquid sugar, light ice and extra strawberries to the tune of $6.50. 

• Spending their own money gives a sense of independence and control over the situation.

• One learns very quickly that it disappears in a blink but is much harder to acquire again. 

• Hopefully they gain a sense of financial literacy. I always compare big purchases to plane tickets as we are avid travelers. My daughter asks for a pair of $180 sweats (that I would not spend on myself mind you) and I say that is a round trip ticket to XX. I let that sink in for them so they understand that the money tree is NOT in fact growing so avidly in our backyard and to be sure they acknowledge the value and comparison. This guide from Harvard University is a great place to start.

• For the littles – take them shopping with you for one item. Make them part of the process and start that financial conversation by comparing items they want.

 

Humble Them With Givebacks

Physical volunteer opportunities are hard to come by when the kiddos are little, let alone them understanding the why behind it. Most of the great organizations where kids can participate alone start at age 16. Below are some of the most basic ways to teach about giving back for all ages during the holidays:

• Give one, Get one – For every new toy you get for a holiday or birthday, donate a well-loved one to a shelter or thrift shop where another child will have an opportunity to love it just as much. 

• Consider donating to a Toys for Tots (or the like) campaign in your town – bringing one new toy to the pile is something, every little bit counts. Take it a step further and if your town has a packing party like ours does, give your child the chance to put those packages together anonymously. This lets them 1) see how many families are in need, 2) be part of the process and help choose gifts for other kids their age and 3) Understand how a community can come together to help their own in need. 

• Adopt a family – similar to the TFT above – but you are making a whole family’s holiday enjoyable by your own actions. Going shopping A-Z from their supplied list, you are getting exactly what is needed. Your kiddo will see what this costs and that you are being even better humans by making it all happen for a parent who can’t, for whatever their reasons are. Your local police station may have this info, or post on a community page and ask.

• Volunteer during the year – not just the holidays. Teach them that these societal discrepancies exist all the time. Pick a charity or theme that is close to your family’s heart and volunteer at an event, help put goody bags together, see which shelters need supplies and run a drive amongst friends and family. Make care packages to keep in your car and hand them out to the homeless as you see them out and about. Go pet the puppies at your local pet shelter, help them promote their adoption events. While committing to something monthly may be a scheduling nightmare, start quarterly if possible.  he holidays may not even be the time when they need the most help. This will start to instill an altruistic side that hopefully follow them through life. Some places to start include a local JCC, Habitat for Humanity, or the ASPCA.  You can peruse this comprehensive list of charities to get involved for fresh ideas

 

The Must Have List

Of course they should get things they actually want, whether useful or not. I constantly struggle with the useful end of things vs just because.  We are fortunate in that I can do both when it comes to the holidays. My steps below, that seem to consistently work.

• Create a budget – know in your head ahead of time what your budget is per child and do your best to stick to it, it is there for a reason. You need to know what your cash flow situation is ahead of time, especially for higher ticket items. They need to know that it is not a free for all and that the money tree is not releasing $100 bills like candy. If your child is savvy enough to understand how retail works, tell them what you budget is so they see what that provides. This works well in my case when my daughter did all the legwork on pricing. If she does the math she can see what her wants cost vs what I am essentially telling her my ceiling to spend it. Some great ideas can be found here.

• Ask them what they want. This is super important from about 6/7 years on as they are cognizant of that other have and what they actually like. My son’s answer is one word – cash – until he thinks further and actually comes up with specifics.  My teen daughter’s answer is a 5-page PowerPoint complete with links, colors, and sizes, which I truly appreciate. This list ideally also has a range of pricing. Some things are super reasonable, others are a thought process and the one big gift may count as two to three due to cost.

• Have them prioritize – The above-mentioned list was then sorted in numerical order of what was wanted most to the least. Knowing that some of these ideas would be passed onto family members or friends who asked what the kids wanted.

• Pick categories – I try to fulfill as much of the lists as I can, but I like to ensure variety. One from the clothing category, two from the make-up category, 3 from the toy/mindless/game etc. category. Necessities such as socks should be exempt as a gift, or at the very least, combined with something much cooler. 

A great place to start if you don’t have these lists or ideas, because they don’t know what they want, is gift guides.  Almost every major retail and lifestyle website has a list for every type of person, age, gender, hobbies and more. I have gotten great ideas over the years from these lists. 

Happy Shopping, and Happy Holidays from Happy Camper Live!